Despair came in yesterday and swallowed me whole. Right when you think things are flowing and dancing, a relationship can trip over itself, both feet tangled in vines and roots that lurk underground. Head and hands are swept up like a kite in the world of dreams and the swirly unconscious. It can tear a body in two.

A door got slammed. Tears fell from tired eyes. Words spilled from angry jaws. Where did that stuff come from? I thought it was gathered and bagged and tossed in the trash years ago. And now here it is, a rash that never went away, a pain that’s as fresh as a daisy.

Today I remember that, just as despair arrives in surprise, so do love and peace and joy. Two weeks ago the peace lily, a neglected resident in my home for several years, presented this perfect white-edged oval. Poorly tended by me, the lily had never managed to unfurl itself, put on a show. Yet there it was, nourished by roots underground, plucky enough to grab hold of a kite and pull itself up.

And so it is. This life is a dance of despair, a trip of finding the roots, pulling on kites, a surprise of love and peace and joy.


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